英国某大学：由一枚粉红水壶引发的邮件大战！

amo77

新年伊始，XENIA 同学向大家报告一下某英国大学内部近期发生的一件，由一枚丢失水壶引起的 whatever。。。。

年轻的，未来的唐曾学者们沸腾了~~谁敢说知识无用！

惹我？ 我就念死你！！

全部看懂并且会用，保证您雅思写作8.0！！！！

经典句型全部囊括~~

（全英文摘抄，100%大学年轻人的英文哦~~有兴趣的你，来读读吧！）

起因：

一封邮件

Hey I'm really sorry to bother everyone but I lost my pink bottle
outside of the PJ hall or anothe place last Thursday. Thought this
bottle is not expensive, this is a gift given by a very important
person. So if anyone has found it please please mail me on here. Thanks!

发送这样一封私人的邮件给每个人，哈~~震怒了上千大学邮箱使用者~~~当然包括这些个整天里研究理论的，所谓的 geeks!!!! 于是由教育学办公室经商讨发出这样一封回复， 地道英语，英文讽刺怎么用，这样用！！大家学学哈：

Dear distraught student,

First of all, I would like to offer you my sincere condolences for the loss of such an
important item. I understand that this is a very difficult time for you, but you must try
to be strong. I know you'll get through this! It's so hard when you lose an item you
love and care for so much, but life goes on. I'm sure your pink bottle has settled
somewhere and is living its dreams. By now, it's probably on a beach somewhere, surfing
or just chilling with some ice cold beers.
Please distraught student, you must let go. Cherish the times you had with the bottle and
enjoy the memories. If you need to discuss this issue further, then I suggest you talk
to someone at nightline maybe?
Who knows, maybe one day the pink bottle will return, and the quest will be over. Until
then, we can only hope that it is safe and well.
I wish you the best of luck.

面对这样的智慧型讽刺，其他系的学者们耐不住寂寞了~~好胜心作祟，于是有了这样的回复：

（绝对标准的学术论文写作，包括引用非常专业！！怎么写论文，看看这个！！！）

Ms. Williams,

It is my humble opinion that you are not taking this matter seriously enough.

On behalf of the LTPBRS (Lost Tupperware Pink Bottle Rehabilitation Society)I would
condemn you for your lack of sympathy and understanding in this matter.

There is much research to show that the loss of a Tupperware Pink Bottle (TPB) can be a
significantly traumatic insult and those who lose TPBs require much counselling and
rehabilitation. Sigg and Camelbak et al. (2010) showed that the loss of a Tupperware Pink
Bottle has significantly greater negative psychological effects when compared to the
negative psychological effects associated with the loss of a Tupperware Bottle of any
other colour.

It is my proposal that the University establishes a TPB rehabilitation programme in
accordance with the guidelines we (LTPBRS) published last year. Any further denigration
of those who are victims of loss of a TPB will warrant action from our legal department.

Yours Sincerely,

Juan Litre

接下来就开始扯啦~~~~不过还是地道英文~~大家耐心看看，比新概念有用！！！

怎么写敲诈信，看这一封：

This communication is to inform you that we have your Bottle. It is being held in a
secure location by ourselves. The Bottle will not come in to any harm as long as our
demands are met.

If You Ever Want To See Your Bottle Again you will;

Place £5,000 in unmarked bills into the rubish bin on the corner of Ffriddoedd Road
opposite Morrisons by 9pm tonight. You Must Make the Drop Alone and any attempt to
contact the police will result in termination of the deal.

We have included Photographs of your Bottle, Failure to comply with these demands today
will result in the removal of the bottle lid and its contents will be emptied. （威胁呢~~~）

We'll be seeing you...



这位没看明白，看来是国际学生：

SORRY EVERYONE

i'm afraid i have to ask somethings, Does anyone can tell me what is Tupperware pink
bottle? is that a bottle is pink and made by Tupperware
or there is a metaphor i don't get it?

还有做广告的！

In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they
didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los
Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of
fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe
you can hire... The A-Team
Call 07791051804

阴谋论者，粉红水壶事件是。。。阴谋？哥们是政治系的吧？

If you ask me there never really was a pink Tupperware bottle. It's all a government
conspiracy. I mean, has anyone actually SEEN this pink Tupperware bottle? I know there
were ransom pictures but if you ask me they were photoshopped. I can tell from some of
the pixels, I've also seen quite a few photoshops in my time. It's obviously a stock
photo of a pink Tupperware bottle. If you Google "Tupperware bottle, model
notagovernmentconspiracy" it's quite clearly the twelfth picture that comes up. They've
put it through a colour filter, rotated it 720 and then flipped the image so that no one
would realise it's the same bottle. Why has no one realised yet?!
Think about it. If we spend all our time reading about pink Tupperware bottles then we
miss University E-mails about exams and lectures. They're trying to stop us learning,
first they raise our fees and then they pretend to kidnap pink Tupperware bottles. Don't
just accept everything you read.

The truth is out there.

下面这位是电脑游戏玩多了！！！！

全大写，能看懂？您英文过关了！！

H E L L O O S U A 1 4.

I W A N T T O P L A Y A G A M E.

A L L Y O U R L I F E Y O U H A V E B E E N I D O L I S I N G T H E P I N K T U
P P E R W A R E B O T T L E, R E S U L T I N G I N T H E C A L L O U S N E G L E C
T O F Y O U R O T H E R D E P E N D A N T- T H E B L U E T U P P E R W A R E B O
T T L E. B U T H A V E Y O U E V E R S T O P P E D T O C O N S I D E R W H O IS
M O R E W O R T H Y O F Y O U R U N D I V I D E D A T T E N T I O N?

T O N I G H T Y O U W I L L H A V E T O M A K E A C H O I C E.

T H E P I N K T U P P E R W A R E B O T T L E I S L I N K E D T O A D E V I C E W
H I C H W I L L D E T E N A T E IN 6 0 M I N U T E S.

T H E B L U E T U P P E R W A R E B O T T L E I S L O C K E D I N T O A D E V I C
E F U L L O F L E T H A L S P I K E S W H I C H W I L L S N A P S H U T I N 60 M
I N U T E S.

W H O W I L L Y O U S A V E?

L E T T H E G A M E B E G I N.

还有最后这位哈，文学系的？寂寞派~~感性文笔，同志们，写情书？看看人家！！！

Dear Mr Litre,

Firstly can I call you Juan? （拉近关系的重要方式）Mr Litre sounds awfully smart and silly.

I am so glad to hear about the LTPBRS (Lost Tupperware Pink Bottle Rehabilitation Society) and I can
only wish I had found it sooner. Ever since losing my bottle I've never quite felt the
same and I wish I had a chance to talk to someone about it.

I lost my Pink Tupperware Bottle when I was just 17. It was at a school disco and after a
few Smirnoff Ices my friend Jenny told me that Steve, a guy from the year above, wanted
to share my bottle. After a bit of chatting we got close and there was the awkward moment
when he asked to see my bottle but I decided it was OK to show him. However, This just
seemed to get him more excited. When he tried to touch it I wanted to stop him at first
but sharing seemed like the right idea at the time so I let him continue. The night went
on and I eventually let him drink from the bottle it was nothing like I had ever felt
before. There was a deeper pleasure than ever before in the knowledge that somebody else
enjoyed my bottle but also a pain as it was the first time I had let someone share my
Pink Tupperware bottle and it would never be the same again.

The next day my Bottle was missing and so was Steve, I saw him once or twice afterwards
but never again my Bottle. Every now and then I think about that night and I hope your
society can help me get over the feeling of loss for my Pink Tupperware Bottle.

I look forward to the next meeting and hope to help others as much as you've already
helped me.

Yours sincerely

Ms. Wearis Mabotel